I am ashamed that I have neglected my blog...and while I may only be talking to myself I feel I'm letting down the side...the side of one?
A lot is going down in my life and one of the major things is that I'm in frantic mode, pulling together CV's, portfolio's and cover letters. I have a hunger, a want and need if you will...actually there's two, but the one is to get to the United States of America. A big and different step in my life. While I always looked at the States as a place I'd like to look at it wasn't until I actually went there that I decided that 'this is where I was meant to be, it just feels so right'. Ever get that? Feel so comfortable in a place/country/town/marshy bog that when you returned to your place of current residence you felt empty, half complete and unnervingly alone? It happened to me...its still happening to me. I was lucky enough to visit two great places in the U S of A. The first was LA and the Orange County area. Never before have my coastal roots and surfing emotions swelled so much. First I was blown away by the beautiful heat that didn't make you want to sweat from every pore. Secondly, the atmosphere warmed me, it sucked me and said "welcome, you're home my son", the beach's hugged me with their sands and licked my face with their cool salty ocean waves. Forget what you see in the movies, nothing was what I had dreamed of or seen on the silver screen. It all seemed so much more real, maybe even 'smaller than life' (can I do that? Reverse 'larger than life'?). The reality of it all pleased me, its what sold me the 'dream'. I sat there and looked around and right there, on the beach of Long Beach, I decided, this is where I need to be, this is my dream, this is my goal.
I visited San Diego, Long Beach, Murrieta and LA for a day. I then headed out to the mid-west, out to Chicago, a place I'd never dreamed of visiting, why would I...right?
Approaching Chicago whilst in the AA flight I was met with a view of an outstanding city and the magnificent, unbelievably large, Lake Michigan. It can't be a lake, can it? Its huge! I'd like to call it a baby sea, a sealet...a seaby? No. Anyway. For the most part I spent my time outside of down town and it surprised me, it surprised me how I have been missing out in so many things in my life. Amazing street festivals, brilliant restaurants...awesome people. Riding on the L was easy, getting from one place to the other smoothly and efficiently. Chicago's transport kinda kicks London's in the fat old hiney. The lifestyle of the area I was in took me in as well, I felt so at home and felt a connection to the area. I was comfortable, at home. Down town Chicago is a site to see. Go for the architecture alone, it wont disappoint. The buildings stand with a purpose, overlooking the city's people and staring like watchmen out at Lake Michigan. There is so much to see, so much that I'll be going back, that I have no doubt of.
How can 'leaving' have different feelings? I left home, left my parents and friends heading for an unknown island that just happens to be the worlds great mixing pot. Heading to England from South Africa I was scared and anxious. Leaving Chicago and California I was heart broken, the feeling of leaving a part of myself behind was all too clear. "How could I be leaving?", "This wasn't right, I need to stay!"...I think I actually might have blurted that out to the flight attendant.
I live in England, I was born in South Africa. Neither feel like home. Feeling lost and alone while in your country of residence is completely unnerving. I have to move to America. Its my dream, its my goal.
