Sonisphere!

I'm off to Sonisphere. A field of glory nestled in the comfort of Knebworth. All unassuming and all not knowing what is really coming...none of the villagers were aware of the hundreds of motor vehicles or thousands of feet that were on their way. The slow march descending on these meadows have one, and only one, mission in mind...we...must...rock! Tents are a tiny defense for the sound that is ready to roar and pound its might on all who wear the Wrist Band. International bands the likes of Metallica and Nine Inch Nails plug in their instruments of volume with quiet confidence. The terror and jubilation is viscous in the air, getting stuck in you nostrils.

I'm off to Sonisphere...and I'm bloody ready for it!

Relationships are like Ninjas...sneaky

Right off the bat I have to say, I'm no expert...far from it in fact. But, relationships fascinate me...to me they're one of the most complicated concepts on the face of this fantastic earth. Like mysterious 80's movie style Ninjas, a relationship can sneak up on you or, when you think have one close, they vanish in a cloud of ancient Ninja smoke. Now obviously, it takes two to tango and those 'two' would generally have to like each other or at the very least, feel that they found 'the only hope' (but that would be sad and doesn't really count). This is when it gets really tricky...how difficult is it to get two complete strangers to like each other? and where the hell do these two strangers meet? And no, no movie romance here...'rescuing from a burning building' or '"ooo...you have a dog! and I have a dog...and they like each other...awwwww"' crap. Where do the genuine, real life people meet? The kind of people that have jobs, a core group of friends etc. Clubs? No...Thats just dirty and never seems to lead anywhere...especially when the alcohol fades. Work? no...thats too complicated, unless the other person works in a different department that you would seldom or never see, but it does seem to be likely...especially if you socialise in 'work circles'. How about online dating? See, I don't think I could do that...to actually accept my fate...I am so useless with woman that I have to get them to like me via email before they want to meet? Please Lord...please don't let that happen to me. Perhaps when I one day grow up and realise that I'll never have a proper grown up relationship I'll just accept a life of strippers...prostitutes and fast cars, doesn't sound too bad, but not ideal.

In all my cynicism, I am a big softy...with a, vomit, 'heart'...who used to, in my angst ridden youth, write poetry and play my guitar whilst thinking of lyrics about 'The one' or that ever unattainable beauty thats always just there but never quite.

So, all in all. I'll need to find someone at work via an internet dating site...we'd both have to have dogs and at some point I'll have to save one of her family members from a burning building whilst beating off strippers and prostitutes.

Seems simple enough.

Bisbing goes to sleep

I'm disappointed with Michael Bisping...I really thought he had something...he still does I guess, but to circle INTO the direction of such a powerful right hand...I don't know, maybe he needs to do more fight reviewing for next time. Come on Bisping...come back stronger!

UFC 100!!! WOOHOO!!!

I'm very excited about some almost naked buff men getting hot and sweaty...It could be taken the wrong way but I am of course talking about UFC 100. There is something so raw and powerful about UFC or MMA in general...its just blood(y) fantastic! Its where we left off 5000 years ago, when men were men and if you needed to defend yourself or your land you went and broke the attackers neck before he did it to you. In fact Lesnar may have been considered 'average' back then. Lets face it...the human race, in general, has slacked off in the physical development department. We have taken the grey matter route which has worked well for some...like the Americans and their giant fireworks that kill thousands. But, in a way its all kinda fused together in UFC...you definitely have to be tough and strong but if you don't make the right decisions in the ring all 100kg's of yourself could end up flapping on your back while you struggle in a arm bar screaming like a little girl.

The thinking game kinda goes out the window with someone like Lesnar though...he's more like 'Me, smash!'...and the other guy is more like 'Me, fucking run for the hills!'. But who knows, thats the beauty of the game.

Remember, when they're on the ground grappling....its only gay if they smile.

WooHoo! bring on Saturday!

I've unravelled the mystery!

Hhhmmmmm....It all makes sense now!

Even the chipmunks have gone bad!

What happened to Alvin and the chipmunks? Remember how they used to be all squeaky and innocent? No longer I say...in light of the upcoming second feature film featuring these so called 'innocents', I'd like to remind you that change isn't always good.

All you really have to do is look at the revamped versions...gone are the easy going, cap wearing little guys, now they're beefed, smirking hoodies! Looking at 'Mod-Alvin' you could almost imagine him mouthing the words..."I'll knife you guy..." and what happened to the nerdy one with the long pajamas and glasses...now he looks like a strange stalking pedophile! The little chunky dude has been turned into a representative for the youth of America...short, obese and slow looking. Its a crying shame...

Another childhood memory ruined...I just hope they don't turn my first love, Cheetara, into a leather-clad crack whore when they make Thundercats.

Sinus Exorcism

I have a cold...some may say it is 'Man Flu'. Perhaps.

I like to think that my head is full of demons (kinda always is) and that a cold is when they manifest and try to drive you insane! Starts off with them tickling your throat then they induce fatigue and finally they begin to push on your forehead with all their terrible might! But just like in certain religious faiths, us 'flu-cursed' folk have a aid by our side. Its name is Day/Night Nurse! It helps dampen the fowl beings scratching and causes their wretched green 'ectoplasm' to be forced back into the depths of your cranium. Occasionally a few drops of their being escapes from your nose, but theres always a handy tissue to help out...because no one really wants a yellow crusty sleeve.

So thank you Day/Night Nurse, I commend you!

Buddy shout out

I need to do some selfless plugging for a friend. I have a little buddy who in all honesty would not be the man that he is today if it wasn't for me...I complete him.

The little dudes name is Gary and he has a company called D-Rail, starting off just as a T-shirt label this little guy is gonna make some big things happen, so keep an eye on the site, it'll be good.

I can neither confirm nor deny that I had any part of said website or clothing. I'm just a fan.

Reality isn't all that

I really love my video games...and I always hated those people out there in real-world-land that say "video games encourage violence in our youth"...'BOLLOCKS!' I'd shout, its the way the little kiddies have been brought up that makes 'em into the little hoodie horribles they are, little pack hunter bastards! My view may have slightly skewed though...I'll set the scene. I was on my way home from work hot and sweaty, London is in the middle of a heat wave, when a tourist (I presume because of how slow he was walking and also, he had a camera the size of a small microwave.) stepped in front of me and TOTALLY ruined my 'London step' and threw me off my gentle canter. I was amazed as I (in my head through amazing visual imagination) jumped to the wall, springing off with my hand in the air, secret hidden blade springing from its gauntlet. Success! a brilliant assassination! Rewinding to reality I realised I was standing still, smiling to myself, the tourist already sitting in a Gregg's enjoying some 'English cuisine'.

I need to start playing tetris again.

For my first blog I'd like to complain about Michael Jackson's father...what an idiot. What a shallow idiot. What a very un-stylish, shallow idiot. I like how he tried to plug his record company but then forgot the name and went to his equally un-stylish shallow idiot friend to remind him. Its one thing to be money hungry, its another to try get a free leg-up through some publicity days after your son has died....idiot.

In other news...Sea-Pigs scare me...they aren't natural and should go live back in the depths from where they came. brrr....(shiver)....freaky.